My Secret Code

Activity Glossary

Glossary of Terms

At URSTRONG, we believe it’s important to use kids’ language for kids’ problems. That’s why we have our very own, unique language of friendship. Here are some important terms that children, parents, and teachers learn in our program.

Friendship Fire®: Any situation between you and a friend that results in negative feelings.

Mean-on-Purpose: When someone is intentionally unkind to someone else.

Quick Comeback: A very short word or phrase that is used when someone is Mean-on-Purpose. Quick Comebacks are designed to let the other person know that you heard/saw what they did and you’re not okay with it.

Friend-o-meter: A visual tool that assesses the health of friendships, ranging from the healthy zone to the unhealthy zone.

Friend-o-cycle: The normal cycle in a friendship that brings the friendship back to the healthy zone after experiencing a Friendship Fire. The phases of the Friend-o-cycle are: Healthy Friendship – Fire – Confront the issue – Talk-it-Out – Forgive & Forget – Closer & Stronger – Healthy Friendship…

4 Friendship Facts: A set of four facts that help us have realistic expectations in our friendships so we understand what is normal.

  1. No friendship (relationship) is perfect.
  2. Every friendship is different.
  3. Trust & Respect are the two most important qualities of a friendship.
  4. Friendships change…and that’s okay.

Red Shirt Girl and Striped Shirt Boy: Two characters that remind us about the importance of body language.

Friendship Ninja: A Friendship Ninja is someone who surrounds themselves with friends in the healthy zone of the Friend-o-meter. A Friendship Ninja is kind and friendly to everyone. A Friendship Ninja understands the 4 Friendship Facts and puts out their Friendship Fires when they ignite. A Friendship Ninja stands up for themselves and their friends. A Friendship Ninja makes new friends and understands that friendships change…and that’s okay. Above all else, a Friendship Ninja is someone you want to be friends with because they’re true to who they are!

Sometimes calling parents to get out of situations isn’t seen as “cool”. Create a SECRET CODE with your child, to use if they ever feel unsafe.

To access this resource, you must purchase Parent Membership.


Have you ever been out somewhere, perhaps hanging out at a friend’s house, and all of a sudden you’ve felt really uncomfortable or unsafe? It’s so important to have a ‘Secret Code’ with your parents for moments like these.

Here’s how it works…

Imagine that you’re at a sleepover with a bunch of your friends. All is going well until they start talking about sneaking out of the house and making plans to walk around the neighbourhood after dark to throw eggs at houses. You don’t think this is a good idea at all and begin to feel really uneasy. You know it’s wrong, but you don’t want to seem ‘uncool’ by not going along with their plan. This is when you use your Secret Code.

You might say to your friends, “Wait a minute, I promised that I’d call home to check up on my Auntie Dana!” (*wink, wink* – You don’t really need to check on your Auntie Dana! “Auntie Dana” is actually your Secret Code with your parents!)

So, you call home and say, “Hi Dad! I’m just calling to check how Auntie Dana is doing?” Immediately, your parents know that you are feeling uncomfortable or unsafe and they need to get you outta there. Your parents hang up the phone and come get you as quickly as they can! (Don’t worry about what to tell your friends or your friends’ parents – your parents have got your back and will take care of that for you!)

Cool, hey!?! This activity will give you the chance to brainstorm with your parent to create a Secret Code all of your own…because if we all use “Auntie Dana”, it won’t really be a secret anymore! Haha!

Key Outcome

Your child will create a Secret Code with you to use in moments when they are feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, or unsafe.



  • Piece of paper to write down your SECRET CODE


  1. Parents, start off by sharing a time when, as a kid, you felt a little uncomfortable or unsafe when you weren’t with your family.
  2. Together, brainstorm examples of times that you should use your Secret Code.
  3. Now, here’s the fun part… Decide what your Secret Code is going to be. Is it a word, a saying, or a question? Here are a few more examples, with the Secret Code in boldface:
    • “Just calling to ask if I took my medicine today?”
    • “Just calling to tell you that I forgot to call Grandma back today!”
    • “Just calling to see if I forgot my [insert-something-really-important-to-you] at home?”
  4. Once you’ve chosen your Secret Code, write it down and discuss some possible scenarios. What if you text your Secret Code to your parents? What if your parents can’t get to you right away? What if you don’t want to tell your parents the reason you want to leave? What if you’re worried your friends will be mad at you? Go over everything together so that you’ve got your plan down pat!!

If you’re ever feeling unsafe or really uncomfortable, it’s super important that you get out of that situation! Be sure to use your Secret Code in those moments.


Next Steps

It’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable sometimes, but it’s not ok to feel unsafe! What signals does your body send to you when you’re feeling unsafe? Discuss this with your parent.