F101 Session 4: How to Put out Friendship Fires

Video Glossary

Glossary of Terms

At URSTRONG, we believe it’s important to use kids’ language for kids’ problems. That’s why we have our very own, unique language of friendship. Here are some important terms that children, parents, and teachers learn in our program.

Friendship Fire®: Any situation between you and a friend that results in negative feelings.

Mean-on-Purpose: When someone is intentionally unkind to someone else.

Quick Comeback: A very short word or phrase that is used when someone is Mean-on-Purpose. Quick Comebacks are designed to let the other person know that you heard/saw what they did and you’re not okay with it.

Friend-o-meter: A visual tool that assesses the health of friendships, ranging from the healthy zone to the unhealthy zone.

Friend-o-cycle: The normal cycle in a friendship that brings the friendship back to the healthy zone after experiencing a Friendship Fire. The phases of the Friend-o-cycle are: Healthy Friendship – Fire – Confront the issue – Talk-it-Out – Forgive & Forget – Closer & Stronger – Healthy Friendship…

4 Friendship Facts: A set of four facts that help us have realistic expectations in our friendships so we understand what is normal.

  1. No friendship (relationship) is perfect.
  2. Every friendship is different.
  3. Trust & Respect are the two most important qualities of a friendship.
  4. Friendships change…and that’s okay.

Red Shirt Girl and Striped Shirt Boy: Two characters that remind us about the importance of body language.

Friendship Ninja: A Friendship Ninja is someone who surrounds themselves with friends in the healthy zone of the Friend-o-meter. A Friendship Ninja is kind and friendly to everyone. A Friendship Ninja understands the 4 Friendship Facts and puts out their Friendship Fires when they ignite. A Friendship Ninja stands up for themselves and their friends. A Friendship Ninja makes new friends and understands that friendships change…and that’s okay. Above all else, a Friendship Ninja is someone you want to be friends with because they’re true to who they are!


This session introduces the students to the Friend-o-cycle, which is a visual tool that depicts the normal cycle of a healthy friendship. With a relationship centering on trust and respect, students learn that Friendship Fires® can be put out through an open, honest conversation. They learn, step-by-step, how to Talk-it-Out so they can move beyond the conflict and let it go with a goal of keeping friendships in the healthy zone of the Friend-o-meter. This session focuses on the skills portion of managing conflict (conflict-resolution) and students get an opportunity to put their skills to practice through common scenarios.

Key Outcome

  • Students will be able to identify the normal cycle in a friendship, recognizing that they can survive conflict and make their friendship closer and stronger by talking it out.
  • Students will be able to explain why it is important to put out Fires® and identify some of the unhealthy, inappropriate ways kids sometimes manage conflict.
  • Students will be able to describe what a Friendship Fire® is and list the steps for putting them out using a calm, serious voice with appropriate body language.
  • Students will be able to demonstrate what to do if their friend has a negative reaction to the conversation.
  • Students will be able to demonstrate what a positive reaction looks like that would put out the Fire® and move towards Forgive-and-Forget on the Friend-o-cycle.
  • Students will be able to explain the positive impact conflict has on our relationships and the importance of standing up for themselves.
  • Through the Friendology Project (interviewing a mentor), students will open up the lines of communication with a grown-up they trust and recognize that everyone has struggled with friendship issues at some point in their lives.

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